Frisch On Films

Before this year, I had never been bed-ridden for any length of time. But, I spent the majority of February and March recovering from surgery, which means that I had a A LOT of time to watch movies. The void left by a diseased ovary and fallopian tube mixed with a steady stream of hydrocodone and Zofran made it pretty impossible to do anything else. As I watched, the tiny bit of myself that remained in my brain had so much commentary that I just couldn’t keep to myself. So, if you ever find yourself similarly incapacitated, (gosh, I hope you don’t) here are some spoiler-ridden and super biased reviews:

Man Up (2015)

I love turning on a movie and having no idea what I’m about to see. Sometimes you can tell by the cast or DVD cover whether or not you’re in for comedy or drama, but I’ve been fooled before (no thank you, The Beaver). I’d listened to a podcast interview with Lake Bell and found her intriguing, so I thought I’d give this one a try and it may now be in my arbitrary top 20.

Reasons to watch it:

- Wonderfully unpredictable dialogue.

Reasons not to watch it:

- Not particularly appropriate for children or people that don’t like swear words. I differentiate because my child really likes swear words.

Nearly every 90s-early 2000s rom-com I found on my streaming websites:

Don’t judge me, but I just love a good, cheesy 90s/early 2000s rom-com. I blame my dad. We watched one just about every weekend from birth until I moved away from home. The clothes, even on the wealthy, look so poorly made, and the music is so non-descript until it swells during that final kiss while the camera slowly pans away. Also, they require literally no brainpower whatsoever - perfect for when you’re medicated.

Kate & Leopold (2001)

Reasons to watch it:
- Liev Shreiber’s voice.
- Nostalgia, man. This was kind of our last chance to watch Meg Ryan be tiny and adorable. And less plastic-surgeried.

Reasons not to watch it:
- No man from the 1800s would ever have sex with a woman after a first date. Especially not when that man, only a few scenes before, felt that woman needed a chaperone on her dinner with her boss because he had “intentions.” Holy plot hole.

The Wedding Planner (2001)

Reasons to watch it:
- The wedding jitters scenes in this one are pleasantly non-mellow-dramatic. So rare and refreshing.
- I totally agree with Matthew McConaghey’s character’s opinion of brown M&Ms and I’m super bummed that they discontinued that color. Remember when there was a dark brown and a light brown?

Reasons not to watch it:

- Since when does Jennifer Lopez pass for an Italian?

- J. Lo’s “My Love Don’t Cost a Thing” plays during the closing credits. I would have been less annoyed if they had chosen literally any other song.

America’s Sweethearts (2001) 

Reasons to watch it:

- Another chance to watch a completely neurotic Jon Cusack.

- To know what Julia Roberts would look like 20 pounds heavier.

Reasons not to watch it:
- If you’re not crazy about being able to predict every moment in a movie.

Footloose (1984)

This movie is so iconic, I can’t believe I’d never seen it before. It was even filmed in Lehi, UT, a city I drive through every time I go to the airport. I was so excited to see it available on Hulu and now I know the origin of every single comedic dance montage I’ve ever seen. While I recognize why this movie might be considered a cult classic – I mean, a super young Kevin Bacon dancing? How can you go wrong? – I don’t understand how the storyline is interpreted as a group of kids who “triumph” over their community’s oppressive rules. A no-dancing rule is oppressive, yes, but those teenagers totally perpetuated the association between dancing and rebellion. They all smoked, drank, had sex with each other, and were super reckless. Maybe I’m just a prude, but seriously, make better choices kids.

Reasons to watch it:

- Dianne Wiest is a treasure.

- Hot Rod will make so much more sense.

Reasons not to watch it:
- If you suspect your teenager is a hellion, this might hit a little too close to home.

Melancholia (2011)

After two years of deliberation, I finally decided it was time to attempt this movie. I knew it would be heavy, but I was alone in the house and felt it was time to turn my brain on for a bit. Without giving away the entire plot or my entire mental health history, I’ll just say this: daily life can be truly unbearable, happy events can be masked by cloudiness and sadness, so much that impending doom can feel like a splendid relief.

Reasons to watch it:

- It’s a work of art.

- You kind of get two movies in one? Anyone agree with me on this?

Reasons not to watch it:

- If you’re going through a debilitating depressive episode, wait.

- If you’re a super happy person who’s happy all the time and you don’t understand why other people aren’t as happy, you should stay unaware that this movie exists.

- Non-sexual nudity, but still, I know that offends people.

The Cobbler (2014)

I didn’t love all the movies I watched during this time, but felt this was the one that necessitated a review. Adam Sandler, Steve Buscemi, Dustin Hoffman, and a magical shoe repair shop? Sounds awesome, doesn’t it? It’s not. This movie was not funny and you will be disappointed.

Reasons to watch it:
- Don’t.

Reasons not to watch it:

- A few too many.

Trolls (2016)

It’s not Pixar, which is apparent, but the story is really sweet and I don’t mind when Coltrane asks to watch it.

Reasons to watch it:
- Zooey Deschanel singing Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello” is a treat.

Reasons not to watch it:
-So much color, it’s kind of a trip I’m not always interested in taking.

Masterminds (2016)

This movie comes from creative genius Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre) and combines the awkward comedy of Zach Galifianakis and Kristen Wiig, the douche-baggery of Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis, and the crazy true story of the 1997 Loomis Fargo Heist. And holy smokes it is SO GOOD.

Reasons to watch it:
- Zach Galifianakis’ hair.
- This quote: “I think you mean Stromboli.”
- Kate McKinnon. If you watch this movie for no other reason, watch it for Kate McKinnon.

Reasons not to watch it:

- N/A

Before We Go (2014)

Captain America’s directorial debut where nothing happens. It’s truly lovely.

Reasons to watch it:

- If you love movies where nothing happens.

Reasons not to watch it:

- If you don’t love movies where nothing happens.

Gad Gone Wild (2017?)

I love stand up comedy. Not all of it, but I’ll give any stand up special a 10-minute chance to woo me. I turned this one on knowing that Gad Elmaleh is French, but figuring that if his special was on American Netflix, certainly it would be in English, right? Nope. It was about 98% in French. And then I thought that there was no way I would get the joke by reading the joke, but it totally worked! His inflections and nuances and commentary on America were not lost one bit in translation.

Reasons to watch it:
- If you’re American and can’t figure out why foreigners love America so much.
- If you’re a foreigner who really loves America but thinks Americans have some serious problems.

Reasons not to watch it:
- If you can’t read.

The Parent Trap (1961)

I watched this twice while I was recovering. I only audibly quoted the entire script once, though. This movie was a Sunday afternoon staple as a child and I love it just as much today as I did when I was seven.

Reasons to watch it:

- All the scenes with Reverend Mosby. Hands down my favorite character.

Reasons not to watch it:

-If you don’t like old movies, I guess?

Moana (2016)

With a toddler, I get the lovely pleasure of watching all things animated, which is mostly agonizing. One Sunday after church, all three of us gathered on the couch to watch Disney’s newest. It began pleasantly enough and the first song sung by the main character followed that perfect Disney recipe: it starts somewhat small, then swells, then changes key, then hits the apex and comes back to the beginning. It’s a recipe that has been extremely successful, and by golly if you don’t feel something. I, however, don’t like to be duped into feeling something just because of a key change, so I stayed pretty stoic. But then… I heard the sultry Maori voice of the one and only Jemaine Clement (one half of Flight of the Conchords). I immediately began to smile (possibly for the first time in weeks), and continued smiling involuntarily through the ENTIRE SONG. If David Bowie and Sebastian from The Little Mermaid had a baby, it would be this song. (I want to send Lin-Manuel Miranda a thank you note for bringing light into my life during a very somber time.) For the rest of the movie I was completely hooked (no pun intended – you’ll get that if you’ve seen it) and Tyler, Coltrane, and I finally have a movie we can all be happy watching together every single day.

Reasons to watch it:
- No dead parents! This 90s tradition is finally over!
- Female hero that doesn't need romantic love to be fulfilled.

Reasons not to watch it:
- No reasons available at this time. Or any other time. Go watch it right now.

If you don't understand the title of this post, you may not have known me when I was Frisch. I used to be a Frisch and I really like this podcast called "Maltin on Movies" where film critic Leonard Maltin and his friends discuss movies. It's really snooty and pretentious, but that's probably why I like it.

Also, P.S., you may have questions about my surgery and how I'm doing, but I'm not real big on talking about it yet. A blog post is definitely brewing, though.

P.P.S. Formatting for phones through Blogspot is impossible for this technology-Grandma. Anyone want to fix this issue for me?